In a jaw-dropping revelation that’s sending shockwaves through the SEC, scientists at Auburn University have announced that “The Auburn Spirit” has become a conscious, living entity. According to researchers, the Spirit materialized during a record-setting football game and now exists as a glowing, eagle-shaped apparition that roams Jordan-Hare Stadium. Witnesses claim it communicates through bursts of wind, fight song melodies, and sudden, unexplained TP showers over Toomer’s Corner. “It’s not just a feeling anymore,” said Dr. Helen Marks, lead researcher. “It’s real, and it’s loud.”
Even more shocking, Auburn’s head football coach has confirmed that the Spirit has demanded to be added to the Tigers’ starting lineup. “It tackled our strength coach just to prove a point,” said Coach Freeze. “We’ve never seen speed like this — it’s like Bo Jackson with wings.” The NCAA is scrambling to determine if metaphysical entities qualify under scholarship rules, while rival teams have already filed formal complaints. Meanwhile, Auburn fans have embraced their newest team member, already printing jerseys with the name “SPIRIT” and the number “∞”.
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